Abide

You were surprised by how forward I was

following you home on a silly presumption

and pressing my lips onto yours

after a sly glance

and just a few drags on the joint

that had been hastily rolled for us to share

had your pants off before you

could manage to ash it

so that we almost had a small

apartment fire on our hands

I’m fairly certain of this now

but I wasn’t thinking like that

at the time

as I wrapped my legs

around your waist

there on the couch

approximately 48 minutes

since I had caught sight of you

leaning forward on the bar

and immediately asked

to pilfer a cigarette

that I never actually smoked

You always repeated that

I was hyper-sexual

you could spot the lust in my gaze

whenever we met stares

you said that it could be intimidating

isn’t it supposed to be

the guy who thinks

in the dirty manner that I did

nearly all the time

the guy who initiates

such carnal acts

at whatever time of day

or night

in any place we happened

to find ourselves?

Of course it wasn’t

going to last

I seared too hot

in my desire for you

simply based upon 

the breadth of your shoulders

and the wrinkled expression

of amusement

you broke into whenever I touched

your arm close to the elbow

after too many drinks

I guess I thought

this behavior would

demonstrate enough to you

that of my utter adoration

I guess I thought I could

lay claim to you

simply by sheer force of will

But you were far too skittish

of me and

relationships in general at that point

to ever allow me to establish

a solid enough grip

consistently slipping free

and leaving me holding nothing

but my thoroughly misguided intentions

and trembling ego

You were a loss

I couldn’t abide

But I was young

so very young

And you are a cautionary tale

I tell myself

over

and over

and over again

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